


Want

by ideaoforder



Series: Starved [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Food Issues, M/M, Protective Hatake Kakashi, Somebody Make Iruka a Sandwich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 01:37:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14153856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideaoforder/pseuds/ideaoforder
Summary: Set immediately after the Pein arc. "He knew from drills at the Academy that they had limited supplies tucked away in caves, but for all intents and purposes, Konoha would be starting from scratch. There wouldn’t be enough supplies, not for all the shinobi and the civilians, and the civilians came first. A lot of people were going to go hungry. Iruka’s heart seized at thinking of Naruto hungry, of his students hungry.Well. He’d just have to do everything he could to prevent that from happening. After all, he’d been hungry before. He knew how to bear it."





	Want

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So, um, hi again. Apparently this is turning into a series because I can’t stop thinking about hungry!Iruka and caring!Kakashi. I have at least one more story planned for the series. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be called “Satisfied” and if I have the ovarian fortitude to do it, it’ll be smutty. I feel weird about writing gay smut, being neither male nor gay, but we’ll see. Thoughts? Encouragement? Warnings?
> 
> The premise: In “Hunger,” Iruka is very focused on being prepared for anything, on always having food in the fridge and a garden for emergencies. I found myself wondering, what happened to that precious security blanket after Pein landed rocks on Konoha like a farmhouse from Kansas hitting a wicked witch??? 
> 
> Or, you know, that self-indulgent one with all my favorite tropes. Whatever. 
> 
> Head’s up, Kakashi says a few bad words so if that bothers you, well, sorry/not sorry.
> 
> Hope you like it!

Iruka stared at a weed that had apparently dedicated itself to growing up right between his feet. He felt strongly that if he stared at that weed long enough, he wouldn’t run screaming out of the village, never to be seen again. So he stared for all he was worth. 

 

Kakashi was dead. Then he wasn’t. Then Naruto was a frog sage and then a demon fox and then a boy again. Next he had left the village to go after Pein, alone, and was probably going to die. The village was doomed and then the village was saved. Iruka himself had been rescued from certain death by being swallowed by a slug and that wasn’t even the weirdest thing to have happened to him in the past few hours. 

 

What a nice weed. It was a dandelion. Such a cheerful yellow, like Naruto’s hair. He knew from painful experience that dandelions made good eating. Reaching down with trembling fingers, he ripped the weed out of the ground, roots and dirt and all, and stuck the plant in his vest pocket next to a ration bar. It never hurt to be prepared. 

 

His attention no longer on the plant, he looked up and immediately regretted it. While he was no longer looking at the bodies of his friends (and, most importantly, his lover), that didn’t mean that all was well. Everything that was Konoha was just...gone. The academy was a smoking ruin and the heap of wood and stone he was currently standing in front used to be his apartment building. Only the weathered stone faces of the old Hokages on the mountain reminded Iruka that this was, in fact, his home. 

 

He wondered what the Sandaime thought about all this.

 

Everything he owned was gone. Everything that he had rescued from his parents’ demolished house after the Kyuubi attack was crushed beyond all recovery. His pictures, his father’s blue yukata, his bed, even Naruto’s ridiculous stuffed frog. It was all gone beyond recall. He bowed his head, trying to fathom the sheer unfairness of it. The sorrow was bitter on the back of his tongue and he struggled to swallow around the lump in his throat. He felt like an orphan all over again. He missed his mother. His stomach heaved and he fought back the bile that threatened to rise past the lump.

 

A warm hand came down on Iruka’s shoulder and he was gently turned around and pulled into strong arms. Iruka pushed his nose into the mask material covering Kakashi’s neck and released a hurt moan from deep in his chest. Even though he was surrounded by Kakashi’s arms and enveloped in Kakashi’s smell, his heart still beat fast from panic. He’d almost lost this man, almost lost the person that, with Naruto, made up his family. 

 

They’d seen each other upon Naruto’s return, but hadn’t had time for anything more than nods and longing looks before they were separated by duty. Iruka headed off to help with the wounded that Katsuyu hadn’t been able to heal and Kakashi left to consult with Shikaku. Kakashi must have left what remained of the Hokage Tower to come find him once it started to get dark.

 

“I’m here,” Kakashi murmured into Iruka’s forehead, softly, like a prayer. He smelled of dog and fire and earth. “Naruto is here. We’re alive. I’ve got you.”

 

“You...gone... _ dead _ …” Iruka panted, unable to draw a deep breath. His vision was blurry around the edges. He didn’t have to be strong now. No one was watching them. He didn’t have to show his students how to be a shinobi or do anything other than be with Kakashi. “You weren’t moving and I...I…” 

 

“Look at me, Iruka,” Kakashi said, bracketing Iruka’s face in his slender hands. “I’m here. I’ve got you. I’m alive and we’re together. I brought Naruto back. He’s with Sakura right now, he’s not far away.” 

 

When Iruka kept hyperventilating, shaking from the delayed panic, Kakashi gently pushed Iruka’s head between his knees. “C’mon, Iruka,  _ breathe _ .”

 

A tear rolled down Iruka’s cheek and landed on the bit of disrupted dirt where he’d pulled up the weed. Of course he’d ruined one of the few things to survive Pein. “Sorry...I’m sorry...stupid...”

 

“It’s not stupid,” Kakashi said as he ran his hand up and down Iruka’s back soothingly. “After the day you’ve had, I think you’re allowed to have some pretty strong emotions. I don’t feel like myself either.”

 

Iruka shot up at that. “But you! You were dead!” Iruka lunged at Kakashi and started kissing him all over his face, mask be damned. “You just took my place... _ idiot! _ What the hell were you thinking?”

 

Kakashi pulled down his mask and started kissing Iruka back like he wanted to eat him. “I wasn’t. I just saw you with Pein and reacted. I had to get you away from him.”

 

“Ugh!” Iruka said feelingly, desperately wishing that his bed hadn’t been destroyed so that he could crawl inside Kakashi’s skin and wreck him like he wanted to. “So you just sacrificed yourself for me…”

 

“ _ Yes _ ,” Kakashi said vehemently, “and I’ll do the same thing every single time without hesitation. Tactically, my odds were better than yours. You had a civilian to protect.  I had a chance to win. I hoped it would be enough to bring me back to you.”

 

With a small scream of rage, Iruka lunged at Kakashi, unsure of whether he wanted to throttle him or kiss him. Kakashi took the choice away from him. Deftly, his lover caught him, pulled his hands behind his back and proceeded to kiss Iruka until he was breathless again. Then the kisses gentled, slowly bringing him back down from his anger. 

 

Finally, Iruka sighed, and leaned his forehead against Kakashi’s. “Now what?” he asked in a small voice. “What do we do?”

 

Kakashi let go of Iruka’s hands and smirked. “Now, I guess we find a place to sleep tonight. We’ll figure out the rest tomorrow.” He stepped away from the ruin of their apartment building. “Come on. Bet you I can get Tenzo to make us a bed so we don’t have to sleep on the ground, at least.”

 

Laughing, only a little hysterically, Iruka took Kakashi’s hand and was led away. He didn’t look back.

 

That night, while Kakashi breathed softly beside him under the night sky, Iruka’s mind whirled. What was the village going to do? He knew from drills at the Academy that they had limited supplies tucked away in caves, but for all intents and purposes, Konoha would be starting from scratch. There wouldn’t be enough supplies, not for all the shinobi and the civilians, and the civilians came first. A lot of people were going to go hungry. Iruka’s heart seized at thinking of Naruto hungry, of his  _ students _ hungry. 

 

Well. He’d just have to do everything he could to prevent that from happening. After all, he’d been hungry before, he knew how to bear it. Other people didn’t. They were the ones to protect. 

 

The next few days flashed by. With Tsunade in a coma, the village floundered, although Shikaku and Kakashi were doing what they could to hold it steady. For a moment, it even looked as though Kakashi would be made Hokage, a development Iruka vehemently supported. But then Danzo stepped in and molded the council to his will and it all went to hell. 

 

Before Iruka could understand what was happening, Danzo was the Rokudaime, Uchiha Sasuke had a price on his head and Kakashi, Naruto and Yamato were leaving the village behind to try to save Sasuke. Iruka wasn’t at all sure that Sasuke  _ could _ be saved, and he definitely wasn’t thrilled at the idea of his family risking themselves for the angry young man. He knew, though, that both Kakashi and Naruto felt that they had a debt to be paid.

 

Kakashi came to see Iruka before he left. Iruka was at the Academy, grimly digging through the wreckage to try and find anything he could salvage. So far all he had to show for his efforts was a broken bust of Senju Hashirama and a shattered blackboard. He saved the blackboard anyway; a few of the pieces were big enough to help with his lessons.

 

Stepping over a heap of broken foundation, Kakashi wrapped himself around Iruka and sighed. “I have to go. I’ve never seen Naruto like this before. He actually let that kunoichi from Cloud beat him to a pulp without lifting a finger to defend himself. She would have killed him if Sai hadn’t stepped in. If I don’t stay with him on this trip, he might do something so reckless that even he can’t come back from it.”

 

Iruka shuddered at the thought. It had been all he could do not to kill the Cloud kunoichi after he had seen Naruto’s swollen and bruised face. “I know.” He nuzzled his nose against Kakashi’s cheek. “Please, stay with him and protect him. Between losing Jiraiya, learning the truth of his father and now all mess this with Sasuke, I’m afraid for Naruto. He’s so strong, but he can only take so much.” 

 

“I’m afraid, too,” Kakashi said, holding Iruka close. His one visible eye looked worried. “I honestly think he’d die for Sasuke, even though none of this is his fault. But I hate to leave you. Things are so unsettled here and the village is vulnerable. What if something happens?”

 

Iruka scoffed at that. “I’m a ninja just like you. If something happens, we’ll fight. That’s what we’ve trained for and lived for. Besides, I need to be here to look after the children. They need someone to hold them steady.” He gave Kakashi one last kiss, then took him by the shoulders and turned him around to face the village gates. “Now go on. Look after Naruto and look after yourself!”

 

While Kakashi was distracted by Iruka turning him around, as fast a shooting star, Iruka had pulled his last box of ration bars out of his own vest and popped it into Kakashi’s pack. He walked with Kakashi to the Konoha limits, a little surprised that the copy-nin hadn’t seemed to notice anything. He supposed he could take it as a sign for how much Kakashi trusted him.

 

Naruto and Yamato were already at the gate, cloaked, waiting for Kakashi. Naruto was dancing around on the tips of his toes, unable to stand still. “C’mon, Kakashi-sensei, we gotta  _ go _ ,” he yelled as his two teachers walked closer. Before Iruka could even pull Naruto to him for one last hug, he was speeding out of what was left of Konoha. Exchanging weary looks, Yamato and Kakashi leapt after him.

 

“Safe journey,” Iruka whispered, raising his hand in a wave even though the group was already far out of sight. He took comfort in knowing that Naruto was being guarded by two of the best Anbu Konoha had ever produced. That, and that his last few precious cups of instant ramen were in Naruto’s pack, smuggled in as the boy slept. At least Naruto would have something to remind him of home and family on his desperate journey. 

 

Over the next few days, while wars started and worlds ended outside of Konoha’s view, inside the Leaf Village things were much more earthbound. The focus was sternly on survival. Iruka gathered the pre-genin to him as he always had, soothing them, giving them a sense of normalcy. He busied himself teaching the children lessons when they could be spared from the building efforts. He decided that there was no better time to teach survival training than this. Under his tutelage, the pre-genin learned how to make their own shelters, gather herbs and greens, and set traps for both hunting and defense. His children worked hard, understanding now that what they were learning was not only useful, but could also make the difference between life and death. 

 

When not trying to keep his students from eating poisonous mushrooms or break his ankle in a nonsensical trap, he was working himself to the bone driving nails with the builders, moving debris, and taking shifts in the Hokage Tower to process paperwork. He was so busy he didn’t notice that his hands were starting to shake. When his vision began to blur, he blamed it on exhaustion and kept going. 

 

Whenever his stomach growled, all he could see was his students eating their tiny portions of rice and his heart hurt worse than his body. He watched helplessly as his former students, now mostly chunin and old beyond their years, left the village on missions, and then come back, often hurt and  _ always _ hungry. He grimly used chakra to help him accomplish his normal tasks and kept going.

 

Well over a week after Kakashi and Naruto had left, Iruka found himself wondering idly when the last time he’d eaten had been. He avoided eating with everyone else in the village as much as possible. Whenever he was served a portion, he found himself immediately passing it to one of his students. He had gotten very sneaky about making it look like he was eating from his bowl while generally gulping down nothing but air. Whenever the hunger got too strong to be ignored, he’d eat a few crackers and drink water until his stomach stopped growling, and then he would go back to work to keep from worrying. 

 

Crackers didn’t stop him from dreaming of food, though. Every night, he feasted on ramen with Naruto and Kakashi, and took joy in watching them eat their fill. 

 

Every once in a while Iruka saw Shikamaru, who due to his leg was helping with the children rather than running missions, watching him with that deceptively lazy air. Whenever Iruka caught him looking, he would shoot his former student one of his patented glares that promised lots of yelling. Shikamaru would shrug and amble on his way, eyes on the clouds, and yet always being far more helpful than he looked.  

 

As his students slowly became better hunters and gatherers, the village started to have fuller cooking pots in the evenings. Teuchi and Ayame opened a limited Ichiraku’s stand and Iruka’s students gradually stopped looking feral as they ate their meager lunch portions. They knew now that their next meal would be coming and that it would be enough.

 

After having worked at the Academy late with Ebisu one night, he was relieved to see a little bit of mixed rice left in the communal pot. Iruka was just filling his bowl to have his first real meal in longer than he cared to remember when Moegi came dashing up to him. “Iruka-sensei! Iruka-sensei!” she squealed. “I was helping Shizune-san and guess what? Tsunade-sama just woke up! Boy, is she  _ hungry! _ She’s eating everything in sight and not slowing down! Do you have anything I can take her?”

 

Iruka gazed down at his bowl for a long moment, then at the empty pot, and then looked back up at Moegi with a smile. “That’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time!” he enthused. Shoving his bowl at Moegi, he said, “Take this to the Hokage! We need her back at full strength!” Saluting merrily, Moegi ran off, trying not to spill the food as she skipped away. 

 

Slowly, Iruka stood up and made his way back to his makeshift tent. The bed that Yamato had made for him and Kakashi was one of the only items in there. He didn’t even have a bowl anymore, which seemed strangely fitting. He wondered vaguely why it was so very hard to lift his feet. Was he wearing weights like Rock Lee and had forgotten to remove them? 

 

Iruka lowered himself carefully to the bed, heaving up his weighted feet, and curled around his aching stomach. Smiling at the thought that Tsunade was alive and back at the helm, and hoping that Kakashi and Naruto would be home soon, he felt himself drifting off to sleep. 

 

Sometime later, something was shaking Iruka. It was very annoying. He wished it would stop. Earthquakes were very irritating when one was trying to get some sleep. “Stop it. Go ‘way,” he slurred, batting his hand ineffectually. 

 

“Iruka-sensei, are you okay? You were moaning in your sleep. Wake up!”

 

Iruka frowned at the voice. Why couldn’t they just let him sleep for once? Nothing hurt when he slept. “Go away,” he said again. “No earthquakes...tryin’ to sleep...”

 

Suddenly cold water was sliding down Iruka’s face and he sputtered. He could hardly open his eyes. Finally he pried them open enough to see a bristly dark ponytail leaning over him. Oh. Shikamaru. For some reason, Shikamaru was holding an empty glass. Was he thirsty? “Shika, go away,” Iruka complained. “Not time for school yet.”

 

“No can do, Iruka-sensei.” Something was nudging at his lips then and it smelled  _ amazing _ . “Come on, open your mouth. It’s chocolate. It’ll help.”

 

“Ugh, fine,” Iruka said, biting down on the chocolate bar. He ate two bites before his stomach rebelled and he leaned over the bed and retched, bringing up nothing. 

 

“Damn it!” Shikamaru cursed. Children shouldn’t curse, it was rude. He should tell Shikamaru to watch his mouth, but honestly, it was too much work. “That’s it. I’m going for help,” he heard Shikamaru say. With a gust of wind, Iruka was alone again. 

 

Good. He could go back to sleep now. 

 

The next thing he knew, someone with blonde pigtails that he knew he should be terrified of was standing over him, her hands glowing green, talking to someone else just out of sight. “Shizune, get an IV going  _ now _ ,” she yelled. She looked down at Iruka, noticing that his eyes were open. “You brat!” she raged. “What the hell did you think you were doing, starving yourself? Just you wait until Naruto gets back, he’s going to have kittens. And you’ll think that’s nothing once Kakashi gets a hold of you!”

 

Well, that all seemed to be a bit too much to handle. Troublesome, as Shikamaru would say. Iruka murmured, “Sorry, Hokage-sama,” as he blacked out again. 

 

The next time Iruka woke up, he felt a strong sense of deja-vu. He was in a hospital bed and Kakashi was in the chair next to him. He blinked again and the differences were clear from how he’d awoken after Mizuki’s attack. This hospital bed wasn’t in an actual hospital, but rather a plain wooden building. Naruto wasn’t asleep at his feet and Kakashi wasn’t saying anything comforting. Instead, he was sitting stiffly a little distance from Iruka’s bed. His visible gray eye was snapping with some strong emotion and Iruka was surprised that there wasn’t lighting sparking between Kakashi’s fingers.

 

“Hi,” Iruka said, cautiously. Boy, was he in trouble. “You’re back.”

 

“Yes,” Kakashi said icily. “I’m back.” He shifted closer, pinning Iruka down with his gaze. “I get back from a trip where a war was started, Sakura tried to kill Sasuke, Sasuke tried to kill everybody on the fucking planet and Naruto was poisoned, only to find you in a hospital bed for starvation of all things. Would you like to explain to me why that is?”

 

“Naruto was poisoned? Is he okay?” Iruka said, sitting up. 

 

Kakashi waved his hand. “He’s fine, Sakura had the antidote. He’s meeting with Tsunade right now or he’d be here screaming at you, too. And before you can ask, Sakura is fine, and I assume Sasuke will live, considering that he seems to be living on hatred alone. Let’s get back to you.” Kakashi’s hands slowly closed into fists and Iruka could have sworn he heard thunder. “Shikamaru wasn’t sure. Apparently you’re scarily good at faking eating. Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve eaten a solid meal and not just crackers and water?”

 

Iruka shrank back into the bedsheets. He was suddenly a child in a rainy house again, looking up at a dog masked Anbu. “I don’t know,” he murmured now, as he did then. He rushed to add, “The children were hungry, Kakashi, and I’ve been hungry before. I know how to live with it. I just...lost track of time, that’s all. I didn’t mean for it to get this bad.”

 

“You lost track of time,” Kakashi repeated back to him, his face stone. Like a puppet with no strings, he slumped against Iruka’s bed and started to slowly bang his head against the covers. “Stubborn...idiot... _ moron! _ ” he raged between thuds. “Do you have any idea how close you came to dying  _ again? _ ”

 

“Probably not nearly as close as you did when you stood between me and Pein!” Iruka shot back. “Why are you the only one allowed to risk your life? You’re much more important to this village than I am, yet you throw yourself into every bit of trouble that you can without a second thought.”

 

Kakashi looked up at Iruka incredulously. “You can’t be this stupid and still be a teacher. It’s not physically possible.”

 

Miffed, Iruka refused to dignify that with an answer. Kakashi sighed and slowly, his hands relaxed from their fists. “Iruka, I want you to listen to me very carefully, because obviously it’s going to take special effort to get this through your head. You’re stubborn enough even when you aren’t stupid from going without food.” 

 

“Quit calling me stupid,” Iruka grumbled.

 

Kakashi lowered his mask and then, to Iruka’s surprise, lifted his hitai-ate so that even his Sharingan was boring into Iruka. Iruka froze like a rabbit in the gaze of a wolf. He couldn’t move an inch. “I’ll call you stupid all I want until you learn this. Listen to me, Umino Iruka. I know you hate suffering. I know you’re terrified of anyone going unseen because you know what that feels like. I know you blame yourself, probably as much as I do, for what’s happened with Sasuke. You think if you had noticed him, he wouldn’t have gone off the deep end. You see Naruto and Sakura hurting and you take the blame on yourself. I get that. I don’t agree that it’s your fault, but I understand it.

 

“But for all that, you have to understand that  _ you are not worth less than anyone else in Konoha _ . You deserve to live just as much as I do, as much as Naruto, Tsunade, Gai, or Konohamaru do. You have a valuable place in this village. You foster the will of fire in each and every child. Even more, I don’t think you realize how much you do for Konoha. I’ve told you this before, you notice things that no one else does.”

 

“But that’s not like what you or Naruto can do!” Iruka protested, gasping at the effort of speaking through the Sharingan’s slow spin. 

 

Kakashi dismissed that with a wave of his hand. “Iruka, we both know that Naruto has a gift. Somehow, he bullies his way into everyone’s hearts. He...he fixes them. It’s a jutsu I’ll never be able to copy. He’s fixed Gaara, Sai, even fucking Pein.” Kakashi shook Iruka’s shoulders a little to make sure he was paying attention. “But you know what? He may fix other people, but  _ you _ fix  _ Naruto _ . When he was a child, he was half wild until you started looking after him. And after Jiraiya died, he was totally lost. Nobody could get through to him. One conversation with you and he was back on track. 

 

“You are needed and Iruka, you are not allowed to fall into the shadows without someone noticing. Shikamaru noticed you, and he learned that from you. I promise that I will always notice you. And I cannot do this without you. Please, please don’t make me. I can’t lose you.” Finally closing his eyes, Kakashi shuddered. 

 

The spell was broken and Iruka found that he could breathe again. Tears dripping down his nose, Iruka draped himself over Kakashi, his touch the only language that Kakashi truly understood. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, ‘Kashi.”

 

They were quiet for a long time, until Kakashi stopped shuddering. “Just, promise me that you’ll try to understand how important you are, okay?” he pleaded. “Otherwise I’ll never be able to leave you again.”

 

Iruka swallowed. “I promise. I promise I'll try.” He tugged on Kakashi’s sleeve, feeling very small. “Come up here with me, please. I missed you so much. I need to know you’re really here.”

 

Slowly, carefully, Kakashi climbed up on the hospital bed and snuggled up behind Iruka. “Damn, you’re thin. When you wake up, we’re going straight to Ichiraku’s,” Kakashi grumbled. “All the toppings you can eat.”

 

“Good,” Iruka said softly into the darkness. “Naruto will be thrilled.”

 

Kakashi huffed and squeezed Iruka a little tighter. “Go the fuck to sleep already.”

 

Iruka closed his eyes and was almost out when something drifted across his mind. “Wait a minute, did you say something about a war?”

 

Groaning, Kakashi said, “Sleep first, then food, then war.”

 

“Okay, then…” 

 

A minute later, the only sound in the room was their soft breathing. Iruka didn’t dream of food. He dreamed of Kakashi, a sunny yellow kitchen, and the scent of honeysuckle on the air. 

  
  
  
  



End file.
